Insert Sparkly Title Here
by Brightstar's Promise
Summary: A story in which I make fun of cliches, bad grammar, stupidity, and anything else I can come up with! All in good fun, of course. Current: "Human-to-Kittypet-to-Warrior-to-Leader: Revenge of the N00bs"
1. OMG! Time for a GAME SHOW!

-Insert Sparkly Title Here-

_Cliché One: The Game Show_

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**Shimmery-Sparklyheart**: Hello everyone and welcome to my game show, THE WARRIORS DEATH GAME OF SINGING DOOM PLUS DARES!

"Um, excuse me, but script form isn't allowed," said a random reviewer. "You're suppose to talk like this."

**Shimmery-Sparklyheart:** Saids who?

"The fan fiction gods. You know, the ones that made this site. And by the way, 'saids' isn't a word. It's 'says.'"

**Shimmery-Sparklyheart:** Oh, $%^ !&* !(* &^$--

"--What are you, twelve? That's not how you cuss. Better delete that before your mommy sees it."

**Shimmery-Sparklyheart:** I do so know how to cuss! I do it in real life all the time! *Gets self together* Anyway, back to the show! In this show, were--

"You forgot the apostrophe."

**Shimmery-Sparklyheart:** I'm not listening to you, your a--

"Actually, it's 'you're', your is only used--"

**Shimmery-Sparklyheart:**Blah blah blah I'm not listening! ANYWAY, now for our first contestant! Ashfur!

**Clones:**BOOOO! BramblexSquirrel is the way to go!

**Ashfur:** What's going on…?

"No, Ashfur! Don't use the script form! Talk like I am!" yelled the random reviewer.

"Oh, like this?" he answered.

**Shimmery-Sparklyheart:** Blah blah blah, still not listening!

**Clones:**We dare him to makeout with Nightcloud! Most hated tom x most hated she-cat!

"But cats can't kiss, never the less makeout…" the reviewer stuttered, many a sickening image coming to mind.

"Yeah! And I kinda sorta already had/have a mate! Erin said that I would be with Whitewing!" Ashfur screamed.

**Shimmery-Sparklyheart:**Well, that's too bad. Whitewing hates you almost as much as I do. So go and cry in the corner with Nightcloud. *Commands him to cry, and to use script form*

**Ashfur:**Wait! What's going on! Why am I so OOC! *Cries*

**Clones:**Yeah! ASHFUR SUCKS ACORNS!

"Wait, what? 'Sucks acorns?' More twelve-year-olds trying to cuss…"

**Shimmery-Sparklyheart**: Well, that's all for today folks! Next time, I'm going to make them SING!

"But wait, you can't do that… It's against the rules the fan fiction gods have set for us… No song lyrics… DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR THE RULES ANYMORE!

**Shimmery-Sparklyheart:** Rules are meant for breaking and I'll continue to break them long after they kick me off this site!

"But how? If you're kicked out…"

**Shimmery-Sparklyheart:** %$ $W! Good night folks!

"This is so getting reported…"

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_I had a request for this, so, there ya go! :)_ _Sorry if the formatting is hard to read; I couldn't really think of a way to make it easier on the eye and accurate..._


	2. Author's Note of DOOM!

_-Insert Sparkly Title Here-_

_Cliché Two: Authors Notes Longer Than the Story._

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**OMG OMG OMG! This is, like, my first fic and I'm so excited to be here! Oh, I better introduce myself! My name is Sparkly-glitterheart!**

**OMG, I'm getting off subject again. I sometimes do that, but not too much… Hey! I forgot to put on my socks, Brb.**

**Anyway, I'm back! Oh, and the name of the story is, guess what? The Story of Glitterstar! My cat, who I want to be SOO BAD is going to be leader at the end of my story! YAH! Alright, I better get on with the story. So here it is!**

**Oh, and no flames. At all. I'll get my super huge big giant cousin to come to your house and eat your liver if you flame me! Because, guess what? MY STORY DOESN'T SUCK! I worked SOOO hard on it, and if I get even one flame, I'll KILL YOU! Yes, I do know where you live, so no flames, k?**

**Oh, the story! I forgot! Let me get to that…**

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Glitter was a kitty pet. She lived in a big house with a talking dog named Spot. She ruled over him. One day though, she wanted to go outside. She opened the door.

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**So that was it! I hope you liked it! And remember, NO FLAMES!**


	3. Holly LIVES!

**I'm. So. Tired. Of. Holly. Lives. Fics! They're all over the net! I've only read two good ones, and they were some of the first. (PS: I'm sure I'm going to piss off a few people by doing this.) **

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_Cliché Three:_

_**Hollyleaf LIVES!**_

_AKA_

_**"Can't You Just Frickin Die Already!"**_

A rock almost crushed Hollyleaf, but it missed. Which is good, since if it had hit her, this story would cease to exist. Great, eh?

Hollyleaf then wandered in the tunnels for many moons. How did she survive? Eating dark river fish, of course.

Finally, Rock loaned her a spoon ("Hurry back with that! I use it to clean the small amounts of fur on my back!) and she dug out.

She than popped up near the WindClan/ThunderClan border were a patrol made up of Lionblaze and Jayfeather (WTF? He's not even a warrior…) was… patrolling.

"I'm back, bitches!" she screamed before popping back into the earth. Jayfeather and Lionblaze stared, but didn't say anything.

"StarClan, that was a giant mole," Lionblaze said before returning to camp. But Jayfeather had seen Hollyleaf and… Wait, seen? Oh, to hell with it, doesn't matter.

Anyway, getting on with the story, Jayfeather told Leafpool, who told Firestar, who told Leopardstar, who, for some reason, decided to tell Onewhisker (crack romance I assume), who then told Breezepelt.

"OMG! I have to rescue my half-sister, whom I am madly and deeply in love with! Screw you, Heathertail! Your name sucks anyway!"

With that, the love-struck sibling tracked Hollyleaf down (I'm not going to tell you about all that. It's not important anyway) and helped her gentlemanly out of the tunnels.

"Oh, Breezey! I want to have your babies!" Hollyleaf exclaim to her HALF BROTHER. Breezepelt agreed. ThunderClan love runs in the family after all.

Nine moons later (since that IS how long cats are pregnant), Hollyleaf had Breezepelt's babies and called them Moonkit and Starkit. You know, since those names are perfectly ok for warrior cats.

Soon Moonkit and Starkit got their warrior names, Moonsparkle and Starshimmer and started to get cool, awesome powers that allow them to fly and kill others by only looking at them. Because of this, they had to wear awesome kitty sunglasses all the time. "I'm a super-sue!" they exclaimed.

So, the happy couple and their inbreed children happy took over the Clans and Hollyleaf turned her brothers into fur rugs.

The End!

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**I understand HollyxBreeze when he still thought they weren't related, but some still follow that pairing. *Shiver* Anyway, submit your ideas, I need 'em!**


	4. Life and Times of a Mary Sue

**I had a request to do one about Mary Sues, so, here ya go! Hope you like it!**

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Sweetstar: The Life and Times of a Mary Sue

**"Chapter One: Birth"**

Deep within the ThunderClan nursery, a graphic birth scene had just taken place. The queen had died, leaving only one small, weak, half-dead kit in her wake.

"Oh!" exclaimed the medicine cat, who had actually just gotten there. (If he wasn't so damn slow, maybe the queen would have lived.) "This kit will surely die! There are no other she-cats for her to nurse off of!"

The dead cat's best friend came into the den.

"I will call her Sweetkit, for that is what her mother would have wanted."

Sweetkit, even though she didn't have a source of milk, was unnaturally small, and also born in the middle of winter, grew strong. She ate meat from the beginning and made fires to keep herself warm. Sweetkit, in essence, raised herself.

**"Chapter Two: The Prophecy of DOOM!"**

After four moons, the Sweetkit received a prophecy in a dream. "Sweetkit!" cried a random cat. (Let's assume it was her long-lost mother.) "You will be the most powerful cat in ThunderClan and will be Sweetstar! Now, at long last (bet you didn't expect it), here is the prophecy. 'The Sweet cat will kick major ass and save the Thunder!' Good night, long lost daughter!"

All the Clan heard about it was stumped. What amazing cat could do that? What do they mean 'the Sweet cat'? Or 'the Thunder' for that matter?

**"Chapter Three: Super Apprentice"**

Finally, Sweetkit became Sweetpaw and went to her first training session. Her mentor refused to train her though because she was so small and weak. Too bad she kicked his experienced and powerful warrior ass to ShadowClan and back.

"Oh, Sweetpaw, even though you've only been an apprentice for a day we already fear and respect you!" Sweetpaw then gained lots of friends and had five cats, two from her own Clan and four from the others, lusting after her. Life was good.

**"Chapter Four: Remember that Prophecy?"**

Sweet continued to dominate ThunderClan. One day, to escape the six or so cat who were madly in love with the beautiful apprentice, she went to the lake to spend some time alone.

"Oh, my prophecy has been troubling me so much lately! I am strong, fast, beautiful and a great hunter, but I simply can't figure out who the 'Sweet cat' is!" Sweetpaw continued to lament about this until a vision appeared in the water of her long lost mother.

"You are the Sweet cat, bitch! Now save the Thunder-- I mean ThunderClan!"

**"Chapter Five: Evil leader? Wait, was he always like that?"**

Suddenly, ThunderClan's leader, Darkstar, turned evil. No one knows why, but that doesn't matter.

Sweetpaw, the tiny, mother-less, most loved apprentice, decided that she and she alone had to do something about it. One day she killed him. Yep, first try.

"Oh, we must give her a warrior name!" shouted the deputy, forgetting the proper warrior name ceremony. "I will call her Sweetheart, because the hero always gets a -heart name!"

Suddenly, lighting struck the deputy and he died.

"Hark! I shall become leader!" yelled Sweetheart. All the stupid little ThunderClan cat began to yell,

"Sweetstar! Sweetstar!" and everything was happy again. :)


	5. Allegiances

**Don't you hate crappy names? I do.**

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_(How Not to Make) Allegiances: _

_**PowerClan**_

**Leader:**

_Butterflystar-_ Rainbow colored she-cat with eyes that change colors with her mood.

**Deputy:**

_Blondheart-_Yellow she-cat that acts like my BFF Iluvedward5938!

**Warriors:**

_Echoingscream:_ A little cat with a very huge voice that can kill you if you stand too close.

_Golddust:_ Magic fairy cat

_Fruitwing: _He looks like a fruit and can fly.

_Emeraldglow:_Black cat who was born with green eyes and got this totally AWSOME NAME!

_Ironwill:_Gray kitteh that never changes his mind.

_Mousebrain:_ This is dedicated for my former boyfriend! This cat is A STUPID PLAYER!

_Harmonystone:_ A peaceful kitty named because she was a peace little kitten.

_Wildmint:_OMGZ! THE MINT IS WILD!

_Goldenreflection:_ A black cat with golden eyes. Has a good memory.

_Cloudvapor:_ Has the power to turn to STEAM!

_Shimmeringeyes:_ Has pretty yellow eyes that make you want to cry. :'(

_Regalwolf:_ Was a leader from the minute she was born and killed a wolf when she was four moons old.

_Mysterynight_: You would like to know, wouldn't you?

_Daintywhisker:_A pretty, tiny little kit who is also very powerful and pwns all!

_Jumpingfrog:_ Can jump. Like a frog.

_Wormkiller:_ His momma hated him, so he killed her.

_Drownedfeather:_ His fur looks like a wet feather.

**Queens:**

_Mildheart:_ Friendly cat who never does anything wrong.

_Airflower:_ She-cat who smells like air.

**EvilClan**

**Leader:**

_Starstar -_ Has born a leader. An EVIL LEADER!

**Deputy:**

_Clawfang _- Evil deputy who tried to kill poor Butterflystar!

**Warriors;**

_Seednose:_ Light brown cat with a small nose.

_Foxheart:_Smexy red cat.

_Steelmagnolia:_ Unnaturally strong cat with pink eyes.

_Distantheart:_His heart is in PowerClan, but he doesn't want anyone to know.

_Ebonywhite:_ Really white cat.

_Eclipsedclaw-_Gorgeous black she cat with dark blue eyes that appear silvery purple in the moonlight. She has very long, strong black claws. She and her sister Lunarsoul were born the night of a lunar eclipse. (She's the hero!)

_Restingthunder_: Quiet cat, but very strong.

_Sparklefight:_She's almost as pretty as Eclipsedclaw!

_Stagpride:_He's hot and very proud and smexy.

_Weaseltongue:_ He's always saying bad things to people!

_Buttertongue:_Weaseltongue's sister who likes to eat butter.

_Coniferfur:_ Has prickly fur.

_Morninggloryheart:_ Pretty white cat who is really proud and stuff.

_Blankmind:_ A stupid tom.

**Queens:**

_Kitproducer:_Was re-named because she always has kits. Reincarnation of Ferncloud.

**Elders:**

None because they are evil and KILLED THEM ALL!

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**Which was your favorite terrible name? Remember, these are based off actually fics I have had the displeasure of reading. :0**


	6. Human to Kittypet to Warrior to Leader

**Ok, I just read the WORST fanfic ever. EVER. So, in honor of that fail, I am "summarizing" it in this little chappie. :) Enjoy. **

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Human-to-Kittypet-to-Warrior-to-Leader: Revenge of the N00bs

**Chapter One: Human to Kittypet**

It was a dark and stormy night. (Like it always is when fics like that of the following at written.) A girl sat in bed, staring at the wall, bored. "I is bored," she said. Suddenly, a light flashed and her cat leaped onto her bed. Suddenly (again), the cat started to shake like something on The Exorcist! Time held still as an overly elaborate description was written.

"Did you give the God damn cat its seizure pills!?" yelled the girl's drunken mother.

"No, Mom! Forgot! Sorry!" Than the girl went to sleep.

"_Owwwww….Ewwwwwww….Booooooo…" A ghostly sound filled the room. The girl woke up and found herself face to face with a cat she had never seen before! After a few more minutes of "Booooo…" the thing decided to talk._

"_Hello, I am Thunderstar, and I have a prophecy for you: 'The two legged mammal will become a sta--" Hey, is he ok?" Thunderstar turned to the girl's still seizure-ing cat._

"_Yeah, he's fine. So, what were you saying?"_

"_Oh. You'll be a star and stuff." The girl cocked her head to the side. I cat sighed deeply before exclaiming, _

"_You'll be a STAR! ThunderSTAR! FireSTAR! Now, I'll give you a name. You will be Diamond, because, as a cat, I know exactly what those are. Good luck!" The dream ended. _

**Chapter Two: Kittypet to Warrior**

When the girl woke up the next morning, she was shocked to find her upper lip even hairier than usual! "Gee… I better pluck--- OH MY GOD! I HAVE THREE LEGS!" Then, she recounted. "Oh, only four. I'm cool."

With that, she went outside and started catching prey in a random spot in the woods; a great way to meet friends!

"Greetings, kittypet," said a friendly voice from the bushes. Diamond lunged at it, killing it with her super-fantastic-amazing-newly-transformed-cat power.

"Pnwned!"

Than, three more cats came from the bushes. "We have found that you kick serious ass. Would you like to join our Clan?" they said, sweeping the body of the other dead ThunderClan cat to side and licking the blood off their paws.

"Sure!" replied Diamond as she and her new best friends skipped away.

**Chapter Three: Warrior-to-Leader**

The day after she got her new warrior name, Diamondheart (but you didn't guess that, right?), she-cat realized what had happened to her and started to angst.

"My life sucks! ThunderClan hates me! I can't catch that damn mouse! I don't have a man! MY FISH DIED!"

Suddenly, a vision came to her. "Shut the fuck up! This isn't part of the story! You're suppose to become leader in this chapter!" Thunderstar shouted in vision form.

"Oh…"

*Transition music*

Well, the next day, Diamondheart went on a walk and met a cat. He was a _silky coated ash-gray tom with lots of smexy muscles and long, sharp claws that could tear a medium to large sized cat's head off with a flick of the wrist. He was pale and quiet and really hot. Think of Edward in cat form. But hotter and without the sparkles._

"True love!" Diamondheart squealed.

"No, Bella --I mean Diamond-- I am a MONSTER! I am too dangerous for you! Chagrin! Chagrin! " Than, a few seconds later… "Hey, wanna come and join my Clan?"

"Sure!" said Diamondheart, instantly in love. So they skipped off together.

Five minutes later, Diamondheart realized that she was once again following the wrong plot. She left the strange tom and went back to her Clan.

"For your loyalty to the Clan for running off and than coming back, you will be leader!" And with that, Diamondheart became Diamondstar and everyone lived happily ever after.

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**Ok, my humor failed a little in this, but I typed it up in a hurry. Don't worry, I'll do better next time. By the way, anyone got any suggestions? Anything? Currect cliches? **


End file.
